Episode 2

This may seem silly or superficial but I don't care. It's my view. I feel better than I look. I don't feel like I weigh 175 pounds. I feel like I should be a size 8, not a size 14. I feel like I shouldn't look so round in pictures and in the mirror. But I do. When I got married, at age 21, I weighed 125 lbs. I gained some weight pretty quickly and weighed 140 lbs. Then, when I was 26, I was diagnosed with ITP and put on the medication prednisone. This medication made me jump to 175 pounds! It was unfair. But I was able to lose a bunch of it and got down to 150. Then through out the years got up to 160. 3 years ago I lost 15 pounds- and then in a month, I gained it all back- GEEZ what a roller coaster! So I was steady at 160 ish for about 3 years. I even had a personal trainer for 6 months in between and I didn't lose 1 pound. I worked out a lot and ate really well. My clothes didn't even fit looser! I had my metabolic rate tested. I have a slow metabolism. So, according to the test results, if I eat 1200 calories per day I'll lose weight. I can't remember how long I did that torturous regimen but I didn't lose any weight. Then in September 2014, a day or two before I turned 31, I found out I was miraculously pregnant after being told I'd never get pregnant and adopting 3 kids. Well, the pregnancy was short- 15 weeks. But I gained 15 pounds! So I'm back at my highest 175 pounds. NOT COOL! I gained the weight soooo quickly but I can't seem to lose it. It's been 3 months since my miscarriage and my fat still plagues me regardless of my exercise and good eating. I'm discouraged and I feel horrible about myself. I'm embarrassed for people to see me. I feel like they are thinking "Wow, she sure has gained a lot of weight." I want to scream and cry daily when I see myself because it's not me! My body is jacked up. I can't lose weight. It's not fair.

125 Pounds

175 Pounds